"i wont rest my pretty head till I'm dead'

I've worked myself into a week long cold/fever. Today is the first day I've actually woken up and not felt like I was going to fall over. Being sick for so long has resulted in me losing a fair amount of weight, which I guess is a good thing. Winter makes me numb and dulls my cravings for everything. The past two days have consisted of overworking myself to get everything done before break, really good conversations on post-modernism and a lengthy Shakespeare paper on questioning the morality and motives of politicos. I'm actually pretty proud of the work I've been doing.
When I design a piece of clothing I'm really inspired by history, politics, religion, art and the people around me. I don't necessarily spend my day with my nose in a fashion magazine (okay, maybe french fashion magazines), but I don't really draw inspiration from that type of media. To me, designing is my release and my eclectic nature. I get to bring everything together and let everything go all at once. I love the complete feeling of putting a piece together and I hate the empty feeling you get when its all done.
There is going to be another editorial shoot for my post-winter line the first week of January in Los Angeles. There is a lot to do for that. Its going to be nothing like the first because after all, I've become another diff rent person. Its almost as if each collection is a celebration of a new self. In any case, the dresses are going to be steeped in deep romanticism and nostalgic nature. It will be like nothing you've ever seen before.

All life is an experiment.

Ad maiorem Dei gloriam

"All I know is I'm losing my mind," Franny said. "I'm just sick of ego, ego, ego. My own and everybody else's. I'm sick of everybody that wants to get somewhere, do something distinguished and all, be somebody interesting. It's disgusting - it is, it is. I don't care what anybody says." -- J.D. Salinger.

"come child, in a cross bones style"

Chicago was fantastic. Columbia College of the arts was like a dream land, I really adored it. First, I met with the head proffs of the fashion retail dept on the 7th floor of a beautiful vintage building in the middle of the city. They were really kind and I got to see the study collection of clothing that was simply to die for it. Its a collection of clothing from every single era. The classrooms are beautiful, walls sided with glass windows so you don't even feel like your in a room. Later, I went over to the fashion design dept and met with the head proff. He was one of those "Italian vouge" men and he said I was a "living doll". He looked at some of my recent work and is going to give me a scholarship once I show an updated portfolio in feb. Sadly, I don't really want to live in Chicago all that much but this school and the scholarship are awfully hard to turn down.

On the days when I wasn't making nice with the professors, I layed in bed looking out at the view, rolling around in white sheets, and brushing my hair while seated in an old fashioned vanity. I've become a dreamer, a really nostalgic dreamer.

xoxo, panda

In about a half hour I'll be off to Chicago. Tomorrow morning I have a meeting with some people at Columbia. The school is pretty fantastic but I don't exactly see myself living in Chicago. Oh well, I at least owe it a chance. Especially, because I might be getting a scholarship there. They special in media, communications, and fine arts. It seems like there would be a lot of people to collab with and many new friends to meet.
Monday I have a photoshoot for an energy drink. I'm suppose to be like the bad rock n roll esque girl and the girl next to me is going to be like a classy blonde. Should be a good time, I'm excited.

On that note, last week I did a photoshoot for my new winter collection entitled "Cross Bone Style", named after the song, of course. Its three dresses that I wanted out for the holiday season but I won't be finishing my main winter collection till the begining of december.
The winter collection is going to be really dark, and sort of will scream "NUCULAR FUCKING WINTER"... in a good way, haha.

Anyways, I've got to pack...
lots of love,
clevergirl

the lion's den

from the morning when I rise, till the late night when I lay my head in slumber,

I remember...

Oh, the loss of you does wreck my days.

sleepy tigers

So today I was sitting in the bathtub, lights dim and my favortie indie tracks on repeat. I'm relaxing in a bubble bath, sketching book nearby and I begin to mess around with paints and colors. My mother opens the double doors and glaces over to the foggy mirror while saying, "You know, art is just a way to escape responsibility, its not real". I replied, "And your harvard law degree is just a piece of paper that makes you feel better about youself". She scoffed as she slammed the door. My father bought me a card today and one of my old favortie movies. He complimented my sketches and kissed me on the cheek. They both view life so very diffrently, I find it crazy that they have kept a relationship for so long. In any case, I've got one kiss on the cheek and a bag full of insults. What to do with it all, what to do...

Mother yelled at me for painting on the wall in the back garden. I said ‘It’ll be something to remember me by when I‘m dead.’ She went back inside.
Soon i'll become within the walls of my own home. A voice no longer heard along with footsteps, deep breaths, and tantrums. The sounds i put into the house no longer contribute to the foundation. I might as well have died and had the remainder of my flesh and soul cemented into its walls, so at least i could be there to watch them live on without me.

hands

If I was there with her, I would tell her that you don't have to be anybody, I would know..

because being somebody dosen't really make you anybody at all.

somebody

Once upon a time there was a pretty girl who lived in a beautiful house and

all the town's people loved her. But, the town's people were very very

greedy. So every night when the girl went to sleep, the

town's people would come into the girl's room

and steal a piece of her golden hair, until

she had no more.