dit

but, i cannot forgive you for bringing me up this way,
maybe i'll fall asleep in his arms,
maybe he'll write me another song,
but maybe i'll wake up lonely.

farwell my black balloon

the world will have it way no matter what.

alas i cannot swim

there's a life across the river that was ment for me, but i don't see why i should please thoose who will never be pleased

de la mode

today was successful, in the morning i shot some photos for my new "false characters" collection and hopefully will be able to get them up on the site for sale soon. wrapping up another rather simple collection means I can move onto my next which is going to be something much diff rent, same style and taste just rocked a little bit differently. I'm currently working on a few things for a small men's collection and then a few things for the metrospace fashion show. Although I need to save my money for materials, I did manage to buy myself these today :

costume dept leggings

preisthood necklace

mustache necklace

eeek the mustache is my favorite, haha i'm such a dork!
hugs && kisses

im breaking my back but its alright

I've finally finished all my orders for the cross bones collection. I've actually been sowing/working everyday just to keep up. The success of the collection has been mind blowing. its only three simple pieces but they've sold very well. As well as working on all the orders that I've been receiving I've designed my new collection. It was inspired by the parsons' challenge and the question.. "what have you overlooked?"... crazy how one question can get me to a million more questions and a few good designs. The next collection will feature far more detailed dresses and Andy Warhol-esque hand stitched graphics. My mind has been going wild over a few last minute details etc before a shoot of the dresses this week. I really want to get these dresses up and available so that I can possibly start working on my 12 piece collection for the fashion show. Its going to be a number of vintage inspired shorts, vests, loose tees and of course a few baby doll dresses. The January shoot in Los Angeles is going to be rescheduled for February because I have a photo shoot and a couple other things to do out in LA that month. And now I understand why my father wouldn't let me go to LA for new years. My Christmas gift is a few lessons with one of the woman that work with Betsy Johnson. I'm so so stoked beyond belief. I couldn't ask for anything more. So the first week of January I will get to be at Betsy Johnson headquarters with some kick ass designers, hopefully learning more than I can process.

cross bones collection

illegal tender's cross bones collection is now available.

The collection features crinkled chiffon dresses in a lolita color pallet. Carefully crafted nostalgic wear, each little baby doll dress is a magic piece.

illegal tender clothing is for thoose willing to take a walk on the wildside. Designed for an era of maximalism, illegal tender thinks laterally. Clothing only for the wild at heart steeped in ecclectic nostalgia giving way to the rock n roll spirit. Reality bites, so we bite back with our outlook on fashion. Getting real is the new cool and voices like ours are loud and clear. Looking Forward, Looking Back, its like nothing you've ever seen...
watch your step.

"fear defeats more people than any single thing in the world"

I've been working very hard to create my next line. Recently, I've been inspired by so much., Everything from Camilo Egas to Luella and her pagan-inspired winter collection. I've decided to come up with five iconic looks, I will be making everything from hair pieces, to jackets, to dresses, to necklaces, to ankle bracelets. I've really got a lot to do but I'm so excited. February is when I turn in an updated portfolio and know for certain if I have a scholarship to Parsons and Columbia. Tomorrow, I'm hoping to complete my black and cream romantic dress and figure how to adjust the neckline on a jacket.

This weekend was soooooo good, even though I probley should have gotten a bit more work done. But, in a way I've come to realize that if you spend your whole life trying to be an adult, a sucessful adult, then you'll be sick of working by the time your old enough to drink. Even since I joined a professional dance company I've always been with this panicy need to do somthing, acheive somthing, help someone. I guess its a blessing and a burden. You'll never find me sitting on my ass, sleeping, playing video games or relaxing. I'm always working and if I don't seem to want to do any work of my own I find someone else to help. In any case, It was fresh to have a little break from all that this weekend.

I sold merch for my friends band, and now I will be their full time merch girl which is awsome. I had an insane weekend filled with late nights, music and kickbacks. Certainly, enjoyed myself.

"i wont rest my pretty head till I'm dead'

I've worked myself into a week long cold/fever. Today is the first day I've actually woken up and not felt like I was going to fall over. Being sick for so long has resulted in me losing a fair amount of weight, which I guess is a good thing. Winter makes me numb and dulls my cravings for everything. The past two days have consisted of overworking myself to get everything done before break, really good conversations on post-modernism and a lengthy Shakespeare paper on questioning the morality and motives of politicos. I'm actually pretty proud of the work I've been doing.
When I design a piece of clothing I'm really inspired by history, politics, religion, art and the people around me. I don't necessarily spend my day with my nose in a fashion magazine (okay, maybe french fashion magazines), but I don't really draw inspiration from that type of media. To me, designing is my release and my eclectic nature. I get to bring everything together and let everything go all at once. I love the complete feeling of putting a piece together and I hate the empty feeling you get when its all done.
There is going to be another editorial shoot for my post-winter line the first week of January in Los Angeles. There is a lot to do for that. Its going to be nothing like the first because after all, I've become another diff rent person. Its almost as if each collection is a celebration of a new self. In any case, the dresses are going to be steeped in deep romanticism and nostalgic nature. It will be like nothing you've ever seen before.

All life is an experiment.

Ad maiorem Dei gloriam

"All I know is I'm losing my mind," Franny said. "I'm just sick of ego, ego, ego. My own and everybody else's. I'm sick of everybody that wants to get somewhere, do something distinguished and all, be somebody interesting. It's disgusting - it is, it is. I don't care what anybody says." -- J.D. Salinger.

"come child, in a cross bones style"

Chicago was fantastic. Columbia College of the arts was like a dream land, I really adored it. First, I met with the head proffs of the fashion retail dept on the 7th floor of a beautiful vintage building in the middle of the city. They were really kind and I got to see the study collection of clothing that was simply to die for it. Its a collection of clothing from every single era. The classrooms are beautiful, walls sided with glass windows so you don't even feel like your in a room. Later, I went over to the fashion design dept and met with the head proff. He was one of those "Italian vouge" men and he said I was a "living doll". He looked at some of my recent work and is going to give me a scholarship once I show an updated portfolio in feb. Sadly, I don't really want to live in Chicago all that much but this school and the scholarship are awfully hard to turn down.

On the days when I wasn't making nice with the professors, I layed in bed looking out at the view, rolling around in white sheets, and brushing my hair while seated in an old fashioned vanity. I've become a dreamer, a really nostalgic dreamer.

xoxo, panda

In about a half hour I'll be off to Chicago. Tomorrow morning I have a meeting with some people at Columbia. The school is pretty fantastic but I don't exactly see myself living in Chicago. Oh well, I at least owe it a chance. Especially, because I might be getting a scholarship there. They special in media, communications, and fine arts. It seems like there would be a lot of people to collab with and many new friends to meet.
Monday I have a photoshoot for an energy drink. I'm suppose to be like the bad rock n roll esque girl and the girl next to me is going to be like a classy blonde. Should be a good time, I'm excited.

On that note, last week I did a photoshoot for my new winter collection entitled "Cross Bone Style", named after the song, of course. Its three dresses that I wanted out for the holiday season but I won't be finishing my main winter collection till the begining of december.
The winter collection is going to be really dark, and sort of will scream "NUCULAR FUCKING WINTER"... in a good way, haha.

Anyways, I've got to pack...
lots of love,
clevergirl

the lion's den

from the morning when I rise, till the late night when I lay my head in slumber,

I remember...

Oh, the loss of you does wreck my days.

sleepy tigers

So today I was sitting in the bathtub, lights dim and my favortie indie tracks on repeat. I'm relaxing in a bubble bath, sketching book nearby and I begin to mess around with paints and colors. My mother opens the double doors and glaces over to the foggy mirror while saying, "You know, art is just a way to escape responsibility, its not real". I replied, "And your harvard law degree is just a piece of paper that makes you feel better about youself". She scoffed as she slammed the door. My father bought me a card today and one of my old favortie movies. He complimented my sketches and kissed me on the cheek. They both view life so very diffrently, I find it crazy that they have kept a relationship for so long. In any case, I've got one kiss on the cheek and a bag full of insults. What to do with it all, what to do...

Mother yelled at me for painting on the wall in the back garden. I said ‘It’ll be something to remember me by when I‘m dead.’ She went back inside.
Soon i'll become within the walls of my own home. A voice no longer heard along with footsteps, deep breaths, and tantrums. The sounds i put into the house no longer contribute to the foundation. I might as well have died and had the remainder of my flesh and soul cemented into its walls, so at least i could be there to watch them live on without me.

hands

If I was there with her, I would tell her that you don't have to be anybody, I would know..

because being somebody dosen't really make you anybody at all.

somebody

Once upon a time there was a pretty girl who lived in a beautiful house and

all the town's people loved her. But, the town's people were very very

greedy. So every night when the girl went to sleep, the

town's people would come into the girl's room

and steal a piece of her golden hair, until

she had no more.

parisian blues

"so, what do you want to do in life?"

move to europe & live upstairs from dusty cafes.

"oh? where in europe?"

everywhere. paris, prague. anywhere.

"isn't paris a bit gloomy?"

oh, i'm sure i'll fit right in. i always look like i'm on my way to a morgue.

"you know, a lot of students say they're moving to europe.."

mhm?

"but they don't mean it. i think you really do, i think you will."

yeah.

"will you ever come back?"

no.

Respuesta

strength in these times is the name of the game, if you don't have that then you don't have anything.
This weekend I have to finish my applications for Columiba and NYU, everything is just around the corner. 1st quarter will be finishing next week and I can't believe how fast it went by, oh wait... I was in LA half of the time, haha.

currently working on my spanish, I'm getting pretty good, so drop a line en espanol
xoxo

gracias bellas

trilingual

Focusing on languge is not an easy task, but i love it. Everyone at my school thinks I'm so crazy for taking two languages but I can't help it. Spanish is so much fun and French is of course my first love. I've been studying it for four years. I know I will be very flunet for my study abroad in Paris this comming march. Recently, I've been given advice to pick up a third language. Which I'm most likely going to go ahead and do. My professor said I should pick somthing non-western.. Like arabic or chineese. So after Christmas Break, I will begin to pick up a third (fourth if you count english lol), languge. I honestly want to be able to speak as many languages as possible, and this is one of my gifts. I'm blessed to be able to hear and understand with ease in another languge. I love it, I just love it.

ce jeu

today I've been working on my college essay and studying for tomorrow's exams. I get to teach french to 8th graders tomorrow, I think it will be fun && its my favorite subject so why shouldn't it be great?
everything is comming at me so fast, this is really such a trasitional year.
so many lessons to be learned and choices to make.